Monday, 26 January 2015

One kiss, two kiss, hug or wave?

Years ago, I think to say hello or to say hi to someone you just, well, you just said 'hello' or 'hi'.  Today, there is the air kiss, the kiss to one cheek, the kiss to both cheeks, the hug, the wave or the rubbing of an arm.  And then there's what I do, which usually involves some bizarre combination of all six and results in everyone feeling a little awkward. It seems like everyone else has had the 'how to greet' memo except me.



I can't remember when this greeting calamity started.  I have a feeling it's the moment that I started even thinking about what to do.  A memory that stands out for me is at a very good friends wedding.  After the ceremony both families lined up and you had to greet them as you walked into the main reception room.  I can remember feeling nervous as me and my husband got to the front.  And then it was my turn to congratulate the father-in-law.  And  what did I do? I double kissed him on each cheek. I have no idea what came over me.  I don't know if I had been watching too many Kardashian episodes, but I think he wondered what I was bloody doing.  In fact, I can remember at him looking at me with a mixture of puzzlement and maybe a little bit of fear that I was going to give him three kisses. 

Then there's the people that I go and give a hug to, and then they kiss me on the cheek, and I am there hugging away, when they have cheek-kissed and basically moved on.  I am left looking like a bit of idiot and resembling a mussel stuck to a rock.  Awkward. I once went to kiss someone on the cheek but I missed and kissed their ear. Now THAT was awkward. Do you just air kiss? I have to admit I do.  Since my misplaced kiss of the ear at least if I pretend to kiss no-one's going to know if my lips missed the cheek target.

To strangers, if I hold a hand out to greet they look at me like we are in the boardroom and I'm Lord Sugar. And then if I don't shake their hand and I do a wave (which is pretty ridiculous in itself...who waves at someone who's right in front of them?) they look at me like they would have actually preferred a hug. I admit I have been guilty myself of going in for a hug whilst the other person has gone to kiss me on the cheek.  They ended up with a mouthful of my hair as I turned my head. I knew, because I saw them pulling my blonde hair out of their mouth. I thought it rude to mention anything. Thank god they didn't choke. 

If you are looking for any kind of advice on this matter, don't look at me. Because quite frankly, I am clueless to this whole greeting dance that we perform (obviously).  But maybe you don't need any advice, maybe it's just me.  But if you could forward me that memo, it would be much appreciated.  You will spot me easily at the party, I will be the one surrounded by the guy choking on a mouthful of my hair and the lady with my lipstick on her ear.



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And then the fun began...

8 comments:

  1. Love it! I've definitely become increasingly awkward when it comes to greeting people and have experienced one or two of your moments for myself. The hand-shake and being looked at like you're Lord Sugar about to greet someone in the boardroom is definitely a moment that springs to mind as is the misplaced kiss! I agree that air-kissing is a much safer option! :-)

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    1. I'm so glad I'm not alone Louise! :-) x

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  2. Hahaa! This did tickle me! I am also clueless, I am a semi-hugging-one-cheek-air-kisser but there are often awkward semi-head butting incidents when the huggee goes in for the two kiss approach and I've moved away. If you find that memo please do forward it on!!!! x

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    1. He,he! I don't think the memo will ever come my way!!! Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment x

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  3. I love this Laura! There is nothing more awkward than going in for a kiss and the other person going for a hug and then kissing their ear! :-) I hope you work it out eventually hon :-) X Thanks for linking to #thetruthabout Xx

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  4. Haha, It's sooo true! ...Lost in the jungle of how to greet!

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