Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Toddler Fight Club : meaner and tougher

Last month I wrote a post about how I thought my toddler had her own little fight club thing going on.  Not in the actual fight club sense with physical violence, but, as in the film, her own little set of rules that you chose not to obey at your peril. A key rule was that her 'rules' changed pretty frequently without her actually telling me or her dad any of them.  You can read the original toddler fight club post here. Almost as if she had read my post, my beautiful daughter has upped her game, and here for your reading pleasure are her new toddler fight club rules.   

Rule one of toddler fight club. There are many, many rules. 

Rule two of toddler fight club. These rules will change daily sometimes hourly and different people have different rules.  If you are going to blog about them mummy, I will change them again.  This is my fight club. 

Rule three of toddler fight club.  I now like not two, but three rubber ducks in my bed at bedtime.  Count them buster, 1,2,3.  And yes, I still need my penguin, a heart shaped stone and a blanket.  If any one of these said items is missing, then you can wave sleep bye-bye.

Rule four of toddler fight club.  I will trump at any given moment and then look nonchalantly at you. Yes, I am fully aware you find this embarrassing, but I am not admitting to trumping in public, its way too embarrassing.  For all intents and purposes, it was you.

Rule five of toddler fight club. I will also embarrass you at playgroup and announce in my loudest voice that the big blue lump of play dough looks like a poo I did that morning.  It's in the public's interest that they know this information. 

Do not be fooled by the tiara and wand.  This kid means business. 

Rule six of toddler fight club. Do not ever tell people about my skills. My skills are for your eyes only. I am not a performing monkey.  The minute you tell someone I can sing Frozen or I'm a chatter box, I lose all power and control over my vocal chords.  And quite frankly, you look a little stupid.

Rule seven of toddler fight club. I now quite like the phrase 'donkey flag' which I like to shout at the top of my voice whilst we are food shopping.  I have no idea what it means either.

Rule eight of toddler fight club. I must perform a five minute dance routine before bed or I can't sleep.  You let me watch Mary Poppins at Christmas and now I feel like I need to recreate Bert's chimney sweep dance before bed.  Every single night. 

Rule nine of toddler fight club. If you give me a helium balloon then expect me to work out the point in any given building of the highest ceiling to floor ratio and then I will release it there.  Now please go and get it or I will cry.

Rule ten of toddler fight club. The dog is still my personal miniature pony and he shall transport me around the house whenever I feel the need. 

Ahhh, toddlers eh?! Well as I'm typing its bedtime in the Laura Evelyn Bee household, so whilst I go and watch my daughter pretend to be a chimney sweep, are there any rules you think your little one would add to the list? Comments below please!  

Thank you for reading, 


  1. Hahaha love it!! At least she's not announcing that the play doh looks like a poo that YOU did that morning!!! My son used to get really excited whenever he saw a stick. This coincided with autumn, and we live in quite a rural area - so lots of sticks. The only problem was he couldn't pronounce the 'st' part of the word stick, and replaced it with a 'd' instead.... see where I'm going? Then shouted THAT very loudly and excitedly all the time, and had to draw people's attention to said item by shouting it at them too...

  2. She looks like she's a little diva!! Another rule: If you want to go somewhere and need to get there quickly I will do everything in my power to make that happen NOT!!

    1. How did I leave that off the true! x

  3. I think Tyler Durden (apologies if this is wrong) will be proud!

    Funny and yet so spot on true =P


  4. I love this Lauren and her photo is so adorable I couldn't stop smiling. Diva in the making. Bless her. Thank you ever so much for linking up to Share With Me. #sharewithme

  5. Ha ha, I LOVE this! Rules 6 and 7 made me laugh out loud - donkey flag! These toddlers eh? I can't keep up with mine and he's not even 2 yet *weeps*

    1. I know! Donkey Flag?!?!
      Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment x