Monday, 16 February 2015

Parenthood or the MI5?

Let me start this post off with a little disclaimer.  I love being a mum. I really, really do.  I feel so blessed and happy that I have this little and incredible person in my life. But. There are times where I find myself lying on the floor, looking to the sky, and wondering what the hell I did wrong in a previous life.  I found myself lying on the floor doing exactly that this week.  Twice. 

On Wednesday I decided to have a bit of a Spring clean. My daughter was in particularly high spirits that morning and was very keen to help with the dusting.  I had ran out of cloths (she also likes to hide as many cloths as she cleans with) so I popped into our garage that you access via a locked door by the kitchen.  In I went to hunt for the cloths, and then I heard it.  A familiar clicking sound.  No, I thought.  Oh no,no,no. Surely not.  I walked calmly ran like a woman possessed back to the garage door and turned the handle. It was locked. I was locked in the garage, with no way into the house (always security conscious the front door was locked too!). 


My first instinct was to roll on the ground and weep, but I didn't.  I took a deep breath.  'Can you open the door for Mummy?', I called. 'No', came the reply. I whispered some expletives at this point which I won't repeat here.  I took another deep breath.  'Can you let me out and then we can have a snack?', I called. 'Ok', came the reply.  My daughter then proceeded to try and unlock the door, but it appeared her toddler fine motor skills only allowed her to turn a key to the locked position (for the record, that to me seems to be the worst case of toddler evolution. Ever).  My daughter then began to panic as the realisation came that her mummy was locked in the garage.  That or the fact that she couldn't have her snack. 'Its ok',  I called,  'Don't worry.  Go and get your little stool and see if you can turn the key then'.  Off she toddled to get her stool and she tried again.  She still couldn't do it and she started to cry.

Luckily for me, I could get out of the garage to the front of the house. I still couldn't get in, but at least I had access to help. Aside from scaling the 15ft drainpipe to the front of our house, I came up with no bright ideas.  My neighbour came out just as I was staring blankly at the front door.  She too tried to coax my now hysterical daughter into turning the key.  Maybe I could ask her to scale drainpipe? No, no, bad idea, she's 80.  There was nothing else for it.  My neighbour lent me her phone as I called my husband at work and informed him our darling two year had locked me out of the house.  Twenty minutes later and I was safely back inside the house with a very upset toddler and a bemused husband. 

To be completely honest, I felt that this level intense pressure was enough to satisfy my toddler that I am good enough to be in sole charge of her daily.  But she wasn't quite finished. Oh no. My toddler had one last trick up her sleeve.  

We both popped into town on Friday and whilst we were in a very busy M&S store (Valentines £20 meal deal anyone?!) she declared she needed the toilet so we wandered to the toilets and got in line.  Did I say it was really busy?! We went into our cubicle where there isn't room to swing a cat, and my daughter went first and then I went.  But, during my allocated time on the said toilet, my daughter decided she had clearly had enough of waiting a mere 30 WHOLE SECONDS and she opened the door and then proceeded to wander out of the cubicle!!! This left the cubicle door wide open, me...well, rather exposed and a toddler on the loose.  Again, my immediate reaction was to drop to the floor and weep (after pulling up my jeans), but let's just say in the blink of an eye I had simultaneously grabbed my jeans, my daughter's arm and the cubicle door.  I can only pray the other people in the queue had bad eyesight.

I have passed, or failed enough toddler tests for one week.  I feel I have demonstrated calmness, the use of more whispered expletives than is humanly possible, extreme dexterity and the ability to multi-task.  Not to mention the ability to turn the colour of a beetroot in a nano-second. I have a feeling the entry tests the MI5 set are a hell of alot easier than the tasks my toddler kindly sets for me.  I need a lie down.   

Any toddler tests you would like to share? Comments below please and as always thanks for reading, 






14 comments:

  1. Oh man what a week!!! I would love to contribute similar MI5 type toddler tests I've been set this week, but my brain is so fried from keeping up with/outwitting/fishing her out of the toilet I just can't!! x

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  2. Oh my word lovely you must have been terrified but had to hold it together so your daughter didn't get upset. Bless you, really hope that this week is less eventful! Sending hugs x #thetruthabout

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    1. Thank goodness this week has been less eventful...though I don't want to speak too soon! Thanks for reading x

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  3. Oh my goodness, what a nightmare that sounds - so glad your hubby was able to come home and let you back into the house but what a worrying 20 minutes that must have been, and then the loo incident just to add to it. My worst moment was being stuck in a lift with my two little ones for twenty minutes and then the door just opened on its own briefly and shut again but in the five seconds it was open, my toddler ran out. Thankfully the doors did open again immediately but I still feel sick at the thought that I could have been stuck in a lift with my child on the outside of it. Hope this week is a better one for you.

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    1. OMG your lift incident is terrifying!!! Thank goodness the doors opened!!!
      Thanks so much for stooping by and sharing! x

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  4. Two of my worst toddler nightmares right there!! Thank goodness your husband wasn't like, two hours away or something! She sounds like a bit of a little minx :-) At least it's never boring? Thanks so much for linking up to #thetruthabout and better luck next week! X

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    1. True..its never boring...though maybe a few quieter days would be nice :-)
      x

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  5. Wow! What a nightmare, glad you came out with only mental scars! :) x

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  6. Locking myself out of the house with 3 year old and baby inside is my worst nightmare. I don't know my hubby's number by heart so I would be very panicky. I really need to hide a key or give key/info to my lovely neighbour.

    I have lots of small "nightmare" moments with my daughter. Playing with flour while trying to bake is definately the most messy moments.

    Good luck!

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  7. Lol! What a week you've had. This reminds me of that really cute book 'Alfie gets in first' do you know it? Definitely one to share with your little one! Hope that's the last of your locked in/ unlocked disasters, but watch out in your car. My sister had a stress when her little one managed to trigger the central locking in her car while buckled in her car seat, then drop the keys recently. Ekkkkk! Lesson learned; never let a toddler pay with your car keys while you're putting on wellies outside the car. #thetruthabout

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    1. Yes we do know that book!!! Funnily enough we only read it last month!! Though thankfully we didn't have a crowd around the front door like in the book!!!!!
      Thanks for much for reading and commenting x

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