Monday, 18 May 2015

Morning Sickness and my first trimester

Before we begin I think I should do a little disclaimer.  Firstly, this post is not meant to scare anyone or put anyone off having children. This is just a truthful and honest account of the first few weeks of my pregnancy.  Secondly, I cannot emphasise enough how happy, blessed and ecstatic I am to be pregnant.  So whilst my first trimester may have been tough, I wouldn't change a bit of it.  OK, I would like less sickness, but you get my point. 

For the first six weeks of my pregnancy I felt absolutely fine.  I had that amazing feeling of being pregnant and keeping it a secret from the whole world.  I couldn't quite believe that it had happened and pretty much day dreamed about our little new addition all day.  Happy days. Then I hit six weeks.  It was almost to the count of midnight on that sixth week that the nausea started.  I can deal with this, I thought. I've done it once, I can do it again. 


Whichever idiot came up with the word morning sickness has alot to answer for.  It's like saying morning pregnancy, lunchtime marriage, teatime mum.  Exactly.  These things are not limited to one time of day and neither is morning sickness. Though it would do me a huge favour if it were. 

To begin with I had a constant feeling of being nauseas and feeling like I was going to be sick.  I struggled to eat because I didn't want to worsen the horrible sicky feeling. Combined with a horrible metallic taste in my mouth it wasn't good. I relieved the taste by frequently spitting, and my dad even commented I should have a spit bucket because he had saw me do it that often.  Nice. 

To make my myself feel better I would go to bed at a ridiculous time, like 6.30pm because I couldn't stand the sickness feeling.  I would rather be asleep than be awake and experience it. The nausea gradually got worse though, to the point where I felt sick in my sleep and I felt I had no respite from it.  I forced myself to do my everyday tasks but really struggled.  I went past caring how I looked to take and collect my daughter from pre-school, but I think on one particular occasion they hardly recognised me as her mum. Sad times. 

By around 9 weeks the nausea had progressed to me actually being sick, at any time of day, but mainly in the morning and any-time past 3pm. And this is how it has been for the last 5 weeks.  It has really got me down. And the I have felt guilty that it has got me down when I should be really happy.  And then I have felt guilty for not being a good mum to my toddler or good wife to my husband. I just didn't feel like me anymore. 

Whilst my life revolved around either running to the toilet or lying on the toilet floor, my daughter had to either sit next to me playing with her toys or sit watching TV.  I felt so awful and I felt like a terrible mum.  My husband suffered too (though obviously not as much as me).  To start with he had to listen to my constant vomiting, normally when he was eating his tea.  And then there was the fact he hardly saw me.  When he got home from work I was usually in my pjs and lay in bed, crying.  And that's the other thing.  I am a definite crier when I am ill.  I just can't help it.  So you can imagine how many times I've cried.  Oh no, you can't actually, because I've cried so much I think I now hold the world record. 

Through all of this, we hadn't told any friends we were expecting as we wanted to wait until our 12 week scan.  I lied to one friend that I had a sickness bug.  I lied to another that I was really busy and couldn't possibly meet her for lunch.  I then worried that when I did feel better I would have no friends left. 

But for the last week, I have felt different.  The nausea is still there but I am definitely vomiting less.  My energy is returning and I am able to do things that I wouldn't dream of doing a few weeks ago.  I also feel like me again which is amazing. 

I know everyone's pregnancy is very different, but I wanted to share my experience. I think feeling so awful at the start of pregnancy is really at odds with how we think it should be.  We imagine feeling fabulous, looking glowing and being so happy and excited. And whilst I was happy and excited, feeling so ill really impacted how I felt emotionally. If anyone is going through the same, hang on in there.  It does get better. You will get through it. I also think I didn't realise how guilty I would feel for feeling absent from my toddler and absent from my husband and friends.  With hormones all over the place and constant crying it has been tough.  But I think everyone who's had to put up with me is sighing with relief that I'm feeling more myself. Everyone accept my daughter who unfortunately has now perfected a horrible vomiting noise and I think is actually quite disappointed she can't watch the TV much now.  

Whilst I may hold that record for most amount of tears shed, I plan to break that record with happy tears when I get to hold my second baby in November. Hello second trimester, I'm ready for you. 





4 comments:

  1. Ahh Sickness is the worst....I had all day sickness when I was pregnant with my youngest....It felt like it was never going to end but it did, thankfully.
    So glad you are feeling a little better x

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    1. Thank you Kim! I am now feeling like a new woman!!! x

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  2. I must have missed your announcement, congratulations Laura! Sorry you have had such a rough first tri, it sounds rotten. Hopefully you'll be at the fully glowing stage soon!

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