Wednesday, 1 July 2015

The truth behind the Instagram filters

If you follow me on Twitter or Instagram (whaaaat?! You don't?! Click the links to your right immediately), then you may be well aware of my recent holiday spam.  From pictures of the amazing California coastline to tweets about, well, food probably, my timeline has been full. 

But we all know that social media, well, it doesn't always tell the full story does it? Whilst giving us an amazing insight into the lives of others, it also filters, tints and downright ignores reality at times. In an effort to address this imbalance, I thought I would share with you my top five holiday embarrassments, cringes and downright awful moments, that I certainly did not Tweet or Instagram.  Brace yourselves.  

1. Landing in San Francisco
I wrote a blog post about my in-flight beauty products and my tips on looking good when disembarking the plane. Blah,blah,blah. As I disembarked our New York to San Francisco flight, I actually thought they would turn me away at customs because I looked so awful. In fact, I looked like I had some rare tropical disease and needed quarantining immediately.  My BFF, pregnancy sickness, struck about 3/4 of the way into the flight. I'd had had a little sob under my blanket, bringing any mascara into lovely black shadows under my eyes, and as soon as we landed I ran straight for the toilets which were packed, to vomit. Glamorous times. 

2. The Toilet One
In America, the toilet's have these little gaps down the side of the doors that means that people queuing up can see a bit of you in the cubicle.  I always found this strange and a little bit off putting.  In fact, this  meant I usually rushed in and rushed out as quick as humanly possible.  This also may be TMI, but I have a thing about sitting on public toilet seats...don't judge me. 

Anyway, we were at a nice restaurant for lunch one day, and I needed the toilet, so off I went.  It was really quiet so I thought I would relax a bit in this toilet and use one of the disposable seat covers and actually sit down. So as I'm sat there, with my trousers round my ankles, guess what?  Yep, that's right, this woman opens the door. It happened in really slow motion and I couldn't even get up in time to shut the door. So she's just standing there and I'm just sitting there.  It felt like an eternity passed before she shut the door. I've never sat on another public toilet since. I may be scarred for life. 

3. Another toilet one
I promise all of these don't involve toilets.  Well, I guess they do really, but anyway. This time, we were at LAX airport, and off I popped to the toilet.  There was a huge queue and I patiently waited in line. When I got to the front, I noticed the big toilet in-front of me wasn't locked so I gave the door a big push.  The door slowly opened to reveal a poor woman sitting on the toilet.  Again, it all happened in slow motion, but the worst thing was the door opened in-front of the entire queue because of how the toilet was positioned.  Oh the shame!! I muttered my apologies and scuttled into the next available toilet quicker than you can say, well, toilet. 

4.  When I cried outside a supermarket
Now we are all friends here, right? So don't judge. I have really struggled with pregnancy sickness and on holiday I found that I suddenly started feeling really hungry the majority of the time.  I found that if I went too long without eating I became quite cranky, upset and started to feel really sick.  One night we decided to stay in for food and to walk to the local supermarket to pick up some bites. But, as we had been on the beach all day, we decided to take a quick shower before going.  

Now, with the three of us there isn't anything quick about it.  By the time we had got showered, dressed and I had chased my daughter round with a hairbrush, I could feel myself being past the point of hunger.  The supermarket was only a five minute walk away, but exactly 2.5 minutes in, I started crying because I was so hungry. Now, I wasn't stuck in the wilderness starving, the supermarket was at the end of the block!!! I even walked past a restaurant full of people eating al fresco sobbing a little.  Oh the shame.  Thankfully my husband shoved food into my hands as fast as humanly possible and then I felt much better. 

5. Crisis on the plane. 
This little crisis took place in the toilet cubicle of the plane (of course).  When I take my daughter to the toilet I usually use our Potette seat which is this amazing portable seat which means she always has somewhere nice and clean to sit rather than a dirty toilet seat.  

As I knew we were nearly landing, and my daughter needed a wee, I quickly scooped her up and rushed to the toilet.  I'd forgotten our Potette, but no big deal I thought, I can just hold her up and hover her over the toilet.  I don't know if it was jet lag or poor distance calculation, but where I hovered my daughter was not really over or anywhere near the toilet at all.  I managed to get splashes of wee all over my trousers and then a puddle on the floor.  I spent the next 10 minutes wiping the awful toilet floor with paper towels to mop up our little accident. The horror. 

And there you have it.  My top five holiday disasters laid bare for all to see. So whilst Instagram and Twitter are great, let's all be honest that real life sometimes tells a different tale. Maybe one day I will look back on these little disasters and laugh, but not yet, it's too soon. I also have completely shattered any illusion of glamorous world traveller status.  Feel free to read more happy times on our stops in New York, San Francisco, Monterey, Santa Barbara and San Diego.    

Thanks for reading, and feel free to share any Instagram or Twitter realities in the comments below! 

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