Thursday, 10 September 2015

Today

Today I waved my daughter goodbye as she left with her Daddy for her first full day at pre-school.  I smiled and waved and told her what an exciting day she would have, what exciting things she would do and the lovely new friends she would meet.  But in my heart I felt something different.  I felt my heart twinge a little.  Today doesn't just mark the day she goes to pre-school for a full day instead of her usual afternoon session. Today signifies a very slight change and shift.  Something else is starting.  


Today, is the day she starts on her little pre-school adventure without me holding her hand. Today, I worry that she won't ask to go the toilet if she needs to, if she will be able to open her lunch box on her own, if she will be OK and the other children will be kind to her. Today, I will eat my lunch on my own with an empty little chair next to me.

And that change and shift I feel?  I feel it in my heart.  It feels like this is the start of many changes to come as she grows.  I have to learn to accept that this little person who is the centre of my world, needs to learn on her own and become the bright and independent little girl I know she is.  

Today is just a very small step, and I know that.  But it is a small step in a long, long line of events that we will both experience. Next year it will be starting school, then it will be high school, then university, the first boyfriend, her first heart-break. I will be there with her every step of the way, holding her hand whenever she needs it. Ready to catch her if she falls.  No matter what.  

I can't wait to pick my daughter up this afternoon and hear about her day and sit in the kitchen with her as she shows me her drawing or painting or tells me of the friends she's made.  

Time never stops does it? We can't stay stuck in a moment forever, nor can we go back to that first breath, first cuddle, first feed, first giggle.  We all have to embrace the change and try and grow as best we can with it. She can't be my little toddler forever.

Today my daughter is a big girl going to spend her first full day at pre-school. I'm so very proud of her.  And whilst she can't be my little toddler forever, I think in my heart, she will always be my little girl who I would go to the ends of the Earth for. 




6 comments:

  1. Beautiful post Laura Xx

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  2. Ah this just made me shed a tear! I hope she loved her full day and having her lunch there, but I know I will feel just as you do. My son has just started pre-school 2 mornings a week, a little early as he was only 2 in May but we feel it will be really good for him... however I am really struggling this week after seeing him upset at pick-up. Despite this, he has been telling me how much fun he has had, but also that he missed me :( It's so hard letting them go, isn't it, and imagining them feeling in any way lost. Like you describe with your daughter, he will always be my little baby, so I know it makes sense that any change between them and us is bound to tug in a big way at our hearts x

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    1. Aww sorry for making you shed a tear! I've found it so emotional! I hope your little boy goes on ok and settles in well. It really is such a change, but then when my daughter tells me of all the things she has done and she starts singing new songs she has learnt it makes me happy that she is going. Some days she goes in absolutely fine, other days not so much. I think it just takes times for them to adjust. x

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  3. What a lovely post, I hope she got on well at preschool. xx

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