Wednesday, 28 October 2015

5 things never to say to a woman at the end of her pregnancy

I'm now approaching my final weeks of this, my second pregnancy, and to be honest, I thought I'd heard it all.  From people questioning my bump size to querying my sleeping patterns, pregnancy really does make people say the strangest things to you.  After writing 5 things never to say to a pregnant lady, I thought I'd follow up with some more quotes that as labour draws ever nearer, I really don't want to be hearing, and that you should never, ever, say to a woman on the brink of labour. 

1. "Are you sure it's not twins?" 
I thought I'd overcome this old chestnut earlier in my pregnancy, but apparently not, and doubt remains as to the number of babies housed in my belly.  I mean, you would think the two ultra-sound scans done by a medical professional and the countless prods and monitoring from a midwife would detect if two babies were present in my uterus, not to mention the actual size of my bump!  Never ask this question friends, because, unless some bizarre Biblical immaculate twin conception is about to take place at week 38, there's normally just one in there, unless you've been told otherwise. 

2. "You look like you are ready to pop!"
Pop??? Really????? There isn't anything popping round here, and please include in this section the terms bursting and exploding. These adjectives are completely unnecessary.  

3. "Let me tell you about my labour / the neighbours 6 month long labour / my friends- uncles- girlfriends horror story". 
Nope, nope and nope.  Unless you are going to explain how you birthed your baby in a tranquil pool of dolphins, then we really don't want to know.  You are only going to scare the living daylights out of us, so really best to keep your horror stories to yourself. 

4. "Are you going to the toilet again?????"
Please never, ever question the number of times a heavily pregnant lady goes to the toilet, unless, that is, you also have a 7lb baby pressing on your bladder. It's best to stay quiet, and watch her admiringly waddle to the ladies.  Again.  

5. "Not had the baby yet?" 
If this sentence ever escapes your lips, you are in very tricky territory indeed my friend.  Either, the person has had the baby and what you are seeing is the remnants of their pregnant belly, (didn't anybody tell you it doesn't just shrink back straight away??? This isn't Hollywood people). Therefore, you are just about to insult someone who is pretty hormonal anyway. Or....the person is still pregnant and might just throw something in your face for stating the bloody obvious!

Take heed my friends, and if you are ever in any doubt, always, always refer to the fail-safe pregnancy code.  Tell the pregnant lady in question she looks amazing! 

Thanks for reading, 

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  1. Hahaha! Yes, oh god I remember all of these. It's never ending stupidity. Brilliant and truthful post!

  2. Oh that last one! As the mother of an overdue baby. it was all I heard for weeks....