Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Hello!

Hello there! I am sorry I haven't posted in a while.  Before LL came along, I had this idea in my head that I would still be blogging whilst she fed and I'd be able to happily multi-task.  The reality is some days its a mission to brush my own teeth, let alone write a legible and coherent blog post!

But, here I am.  LL is 5 weeks old today and I'm sat in the nursery feeding her.  We've had a really bad night and I think I got a grand total of 2 hours sleep.  My husband is also away, so its been a tough week.  Not that I'm feeling sorry for myself (well maybe I am just a little).  The kitchen is such a mess it looks like we have been burgled, and for reasons unbeknownst to me, I thought it would be a good idea to sort out a kitchen cupboard this morning.   

I can only describe these first few weeks as some of the toughest times with sleep deprivation and trying to get into a rhythm of having two little ones to look after.  But, these first few weeks are also the most magical and special.  It's a strange mix.   

I know these days will quickly pass, so when I'm sat in bed shedding a little tear because I am so exhausted, I try to focus on the fact that one day I will want these days back. 

One of the hardest things of being a mum of two is the guilt in trying to split my time between them both.  I feel guilty if one is crying while I'm trying to sort the other out and at times I just worry if I'm doing a good enough job.  I feel guilty if I am cleaning instead of playing, guilty if I'm trying to Christmas shop instead of just being a mum.  But then I think all of this is part of being a mum.  I thought with my second I would worry less about what I'm doing, but where I am confident in alot of things, that worry of if I'm doing a good enough job is still there, especially when I'm tired.  I think that just comes with being a mum and I'll never escape it. 

I can't put into words my love for LL and I look at my two girls and wonder how I got to be so lucky to have this amazing little family.  
LL has finished feeding now, so I will go and try and do something with the kitchen before feral cats make a home in there. 

I have lots to share with you, from my birth story, to the things I wish I'd packed in my labour bag and a little story of breastfeeding in front of 500 people!!!!

Thank you so much for reading and bearing with me.  I thought people may have forgotten about me and my little blog, but I was so happy this morning when I saw people were still reading and checking back. Thank you so much, it means so much to me to have you share my journey. 

I hope you are having a good day, and I hope this post is legible and makes some sense.  

Thank you for reading, 



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