Friday, 8 January 2016

Waving not drowning

After I hit publish on my post, Motherhood without a filter, I immediately wondered if I'd maybe shared a bit too much.  I worried that I would scare all the mums-to-be who read my blog, and I thought I'd terrified all those mums expecting their second baby.  I don't want to be one of those scare-mongers. 

You know the ones.  The ones who are overly eager to tell you their horrendous labour story when you've only just met them and you're 9 months pregnant. Or the lady who continually complains about motherhood even though she has 5 children.  I want to be the mum who celebrates being a mum.  Who relishes having two beautiful daughters.  

But at the same time, as I mentioned in the blog post, I also want this blog to reflect real-life.  That it is hard sometimes.  But I wouldn't change a single thing.  Even the night I didn't sleep at all, I still lay on the bed the next day with LL and tried to make her smile with a toy penguin making cheeping noises (which she loves).  And when I felt ill because I was so tired, I still danced round the nursery carrying LL and dancing alongside my eldest to 'play that sax'.

So if you're a mum to be, or going to be a mum of two, it's all fine, I promise.  I hope my blog doesn't frighten or worry you. I hope instead my posts dispel this myth of the 'perfect mum', who doesn't, and will never exist.  I hope it reflects real-life. 

Motherhood isn't a constant state of euphoria.  It has its ups and downs, highs and lows and all those bits that fall between.  Every bit is needed and every bit is part of the journey. 

Wednesday, 6 January 2016

Motherhood without a filter

I was in two minds as to whether to publish this blog post or not. So much of what we see and read online is about how well people are doing, happy lives portrayed and smiling perfect images.  And whilst that is all great, I also want my blog to reflect and record our lives. The good times and the tough times. So here goes.

LL is now 8 weeks old and appears to be struggling with reflux or colic. I say appears, as to be honest I really don't know what's going on. All I know is I've got a very unsettled baby who appears to be in discomfort and who I'm up most of the night with.

It all started just before Christmas, and it's got worse and worse. On Christmas day she must have cried from about 4pm until midnight and then she was so exhausted she fell asleep.

I was at the GPs as soon as they opened after the bank holiday, but I came away none the wiser really.  I know she is medically well. She breast-feeds well, is gaining weight and is alert. I think we are just going through an unsettled phase.  But it's so tough.

I think these last few days have been harder than when we first came home from the hospital.  I'm also exhausted which doesn't help. We've tried gaviscon and colief, which for the record are a bloody nightmare to give to a breastfed baby. At 4am this morning as LL was unsettled, I attempted to give her the colief via a syringe in warmed breast-milk.  When she then spat the lot out in my face, I threw the syringe across the room and decided I wasn't going to give it anymore. I think it's causing both of us too much stress that outweighs the good its doing.

Yesterday, my eldest had a little accident and couldn't get to the toilet in time.  I was cleaning up the floor and asked her to pass me her wet knickers so I could wash them. She threw them at my head, so I got a wet slap in the face with her knickers. I just burst out laughing.  I think if I hadn't,  I may have been hysterical. Which I was today.

We had a bad night last night, so as my daughter is at preschool today,  I thought me and LL would have a lie in. What actually happened is our smoke alarm which is connected to the mains starting beeping every 5 minutes. This sent the dog mad. With instructions from my husband on how to dismantle it, I balanced precariously on a chair in my pj's.  LL started to cry, the dog was barking, and I saw two long spiders legs poking out from under the alarm.

This suddenly felt like the worst ever Bush Tucker Trial.  I half expected Ant and Dec to appear.

After some messing about with a screwdriver, I finally dismantled the alarm.  Oh wait, I missed the bit where I wailed on the floor for 5 minutes. Then I got a grip, and then I dismantled the smoke alarm.

Anyway, the whole point of this blog today is to say it's tough. It doesn't matter how much I love LL, how lucky I feel to have my two girls, it's still tough. And in the midst of my wailing this morning I've decided to take each day as it comes.

Being a mum for a second time, I know this stage won't last.  I know I just have to ride it out. To all new mums, hang on in there. Being a mum is meant to be tough.  You are doing an amazing job. And if you do ever find yourself in the jungle, Bush Tucker trials aren't a patch on parenthood.

Thanks for reading,