Wednesday, 9 March 2016

I'm Sorry

Today is a bad day. I've had two really bad nights with LL and my husband has been away for nearly two weeks now on business.  I feel like all my energy is going into just surviving and making sure the three of us are OK, clean, fed and watered everyday. It's on days like these, when I'm at my most exhausted that I feel guilty for, well everything. 

I logged into my blog today as I've been having alot of spam comments left so I wanted to get rid of them.  Whilst I was removing them I read some of the lovely comments that had been left on some of my previous blog posts. I then felt guilty that I hadn't been on here for such a long time.  I've not blogged, I've not even been on social media.  

I feel guilty for all the people that have supported my little blog.  And then I feel guilty that I can't multi-task.  I compare my self to other mums who can vlog, blog, tweet and instagram AND look after their little ones.  Why can't I? Am I missing something? 

And what about documenting LL? Gone are the weekly updates I thought I'd post.   

And my lovely friends, some of whom I've not seen in months, why aren't I a better friend? 

Why don't I take LL to more groups? Why can't I be as chatty and friendly as someone I know? 

In short today I'm thinking why can't I do everything. Why do I feel like I'm failing?

As I write this, my daughter is pretending to paint my face and I'm feeding LL. 

And then I feel bad that I'm messing about on my computer.  

I guess I'm just thinking I should be able to do more.  I don't even know if I'll post this.  I don't know if anyone needs to hear my thoughts on days like these. To the outside world I know I look like I've got it all together, but on the inside, today I'm questioning whether I really have. 

I wouldn't change a single thing about being a mum to these two amazing girls.  But on days like today when I'm so so tired and that tiredness takes over, I just feel like everyone has got it together.  Everyone but me.  

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