Monday, 16 May 2016

Six months

I can't believe LL is now 6 months old and I know that is a complete cliché to say.  But today I look at her and just feel amazed at this little person developing and growing in front of my very eyes.  Of course, she still needs my constant care and attention and she looks so tiny sometimes resting on my hip as I carry her around, but she is no longer that tiny, tiny 6lb 2oz baby that we brought home.  She doesn't have that very newborn baby smell that I can't quite find the words to explain.  She no longer squeaks or has a tiny little cry.  She no longer lies still in a moses basket and looks around trying to focus on faces. 

My little LL now rolls and smiles and giggles.  She holds her arms out when she wants picking up, and when she cries she makes a 'mmmm' sound, that to me sounds like she is saying mama.  She stares intently at Bee, and watches her every move.  She is fascinated with Pablo the dog and loves to try and grab a handful of his hair whenever he is unfortunate enough to be within her arms reach.  She can roll over and sit up. She loves cuddles and would happily snuggle on my knee all day if she could. She also loves her milk and I'm sure she would snuggle and breastfeed all day long too if I let her.  

For the first 6 months of having a baby, it's like you are in a cocoon. Everyone showers you with love.  Parents give you a knowing smile when they see you.  Strangers are fascinated and eager to meet your little newborn.  Those six months are so hard, yet so absolutely wonderful.  My heart grew so much to love LL like I never knew it could.  There was a LL shaped space in our family all along that I never knew existed.

I feel so proud of her.  My beautiful little baby girl.  Healthy and growing and thriving. But a part of me also feels a little sad.  

I feel sad that she no longer fits into the carry cot of her pram, she instead proudly sits up in the push chair mode and looks around. I feel sad that the moses basket is now in the loft and I will never get to rock her in it ever again.  I miss her kicks when she was in my stomach throughout the day, my constant little companion.  I think I won't ever walk into a hospital again and watch a heart beating inside me on a little screen. I won't go in one day in the midst of labour, feeling anxious, scared and excited, and then leave with a tiny baby the next.  I feel that a chapter in my life may now be closed.  

And it's oh so easy to get caught up in those moments passed.  To yearn for those feelings, yearn for time to pause or move slower.  As the days go by, it almost feels like trying to catch bubbles and hold onto them without them popping.  An impossible task.    

But I know there is so much more to come.  When she takes those first steps, when she utters her first words and watching LL and Bee's sisterly bond grow and develop. 

We may be breaking free from that cocoon of the first six months, but I am excited for our new adventures.  Life is too short to try and catch those bubbles without popping them, because if you waste your time doing that, you lose sight of the magic and fun of just actually being in the moment and enjoying every single bubble. 

Happy six month birthday LL x

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